caught off guard

so i found out today the man i was supposed to marry... the man i was engaged to... who i broke off my engagement with... got married about a month back.

that's wonderful.

i'm sure he's happy and i'm sure she was beautiful in her white dress walking down the aisle to become his wife. i just don't know quite what to think. i'm not sad, or angry, or happy... i just keep thinking that could have been me. i don't know how to take that.

guess it's finally time for me to move on... forget the bad things... remember the good things... & find something that makes me happy.

tonight i wasn't going to drink... but now i will... simply toasting what could have been... what wasn't... & the happiness to follow because it didn't... for all.




my ex + me... over 2 years ago

[ star light... star bright ]

when i was little... i would wish on the first star i saw in the sky at night... the last star i saw in the morning. i would never be able to wish in that moment though... was always afraid if i wished for one thing... the next second i'd realize i should have wished for something else. so... to save myself the anxiety and disappointment i would "wish for 2 wishes... & wish to save one wish." as of now... i probably have hundreds of wishes saved up in some wish savings account in the cosmos. what good did those wishes do for me if i never cashed them out? by the time i figured out what i "really wanted" i was too old to believe that wishing upon a star really worked. now i wish for the next big exciting event to be now... wish for the past... wish my life away. it does no good. when i stopped believing wishes came true... i lost the pin # to my account @ that bank in the cosmos.

silly and sad all @ the same time.

SALE SALE SALE

FOR SALE:

[one broken heart]
duct-taped
straight pinned
& super glued back together

offers welcome