ello [on a new relationship]

i don't know where this puts me. i know who i've been, where i am, and what i am... but where this puts me now i have no clue. maybe sometimes it's just better to sleep off the buzz and the feelings that rise to the surface when you drink a bit more than a lot. i've been smiling a lot lately. ask bobert or any other who sees me bopping around the lab. i wouldn't change a thing... not a damn thing... i won't change it. i know what i want and it's fairly simple:

1. to graduate w/my bfa and go onto grad school
2. work at a university in the arts department
3. buy a tiny little house
4. live more simply than extravagantly
5. settle down
6. have a family
7. be happy more so than sad

not too much to ask. i'm not scared of this... i waited because i wanted to make sure it was right... it is. i've been screwed over too many times to do it to anyone else again. if there's one thing i've learned... being scared is a way your mind tries to protect you... but if you live completely in fear you will never live... and then what's the point. feeling is not a bad thing. it makes the journey worth the trek. if you are afraid to feel... than sit back and watch my story unfold... because i have enough emotion for 3 people.

be honest with yourself and those you are involved with. as long as you do that the hurt doesn't hurt so much... and the highs will be the most incredible times you've ever had.