[and bad hair days]

i scream - you scream

today was national ice cream day?
or so said the news while i ate my Chinese food @ the China buffet in my home town.
my roomie and i spent all morning/afternoon scooping ice cream at the local grocery store to raise money for the run we will be doing all of August. the ice cream was too hard/cold/old to be easy to dip... and the grocery store isn't as busy since the Walmart became a SUPER Walmart... so within 6 hours we sold less than a total of 50 cones. a funny story came from one of the women who stopped to talk to us. i guess i'm viewed as too big for my small town. during the run my roomie will be running 700 miles and biking 400 within a 35 day time frame. whenever she is running i will be biking beside her. we will be both camping out when we don't have someone we know within the vicinity. the description the woman gave of how she imagined me biking during the trip almost had me in tears i was laughing so much. i would have an umbrella above my head to shade me from the sun, a tube running to my special mixed drink so i don't get parched, and Chenille sunglasses to protect my delicate eyes. that description sounds pretty true to what people would view me as. oh well... 88 counties later i'll be the one laughing when i'm viewed as more than just that girl in stilettos and her nose in a book.

if you want to be happy...

... and you aren't... you probably have a big decision ahead of you.

why would you choose to be unhappy. that just seems odd to me.

so if you aren't happy it only makes sense that you're stuck... trying to figure out which is the less of two evils. truth be told... usually one isn't evil... it's just scary.

it takes that leap though to find out what you're made of... to find out what's in store for your future.

don't be stuck. it's better to move on with your life and enjoy every moment than to stay unhappy. if you choose wrong... so what. you've moved on... something many people never have the courage to do.

i am happy. no matter what happens i've moved beyond a part of my life that was so much more wrong than wrong could ever be. hopefully soon my baby sister will be as happy as i am. her heart is too beautiful to feel as broken as it has for so long.

1 box fan and all windows open

"She says when she dreams it's always a little girl in the third high chair at the dinner table."

I cannot imagine my sister as anything other than a mother with beautiful babies. By the time I was in kindergarten she had moved away for college. By the time I was in 4th grade she was married. By the time I was entering my 6th grade year she had given birth to her first baby girl. Our family isn't conventional by today's standards... parents still married... 11 years between children. There is something about the women in our family though... the older we get the more difficult it is to have kids. Not so great for me because I'm no where near settling... not at all wonderful for Miss Kendra Jean considering her and her husband want a third and have been trying for @ least 3 years now.

Take it as it comes. Pray that God will mold your wants to the physical ability your body possesses. Bask in the sunshine because spring is finally over and summer brings out everything that can make a small-town-girl smile.

ello [on a new relationship]

i don't know where this puts me. i know who i've been, where i am, and what i am... but where this puts me now i have no clue. maybe sometimes it's just better to sleep off the buzz and the feelings that rise to the surface when you drink a bit more than a lot. i've been smiling a lot lately. ask bobert or any other who sees me bopping around the lab. i wouldn't change a thing... not a damn thing... i won't change it. i know what i want and it's fairly simple:

1. to graduate w/my bfa and go onto grad school
2. work at a university in the arts department
3. buy a tiny little house
4. live more simply than extravagantly
5. settle down
6. have a family
7. be happy more so than sad

not too much to ask. i'm not scared of this... i waited because i wanted to make sure it was right... it is. i've been screwed over too many times to do it to anyone else again. if there's one thing i've learned... being scared is a way your mind tries to protect you... but if you live completely in fear you will never live... and then what's the point. feeling is not a bad thing. it makes the journey worth the trek. if you are afraid to feel... than sit back and watch my story unfold... because i have enough emotion for 3 people.

be honest with yourself and those you are involved with. as long as you do that the hurt doesn't hurt so much... and the highs will be the most incredible times you've ever had.

once upon a time...

... i ran away to california. i must have been 17. it must have been a dream too... because i've never been ferther west than texas... and that wasn't until i was 21. my favorite places in the world seem to be places you would be unable to find unless you'd been there already. i imagine there are places like this in california. i will have to have someone take me there someday... show me some of these types of places... so if things ever get to be too much here in ohio... i don't have to dream about california... i can just go there.
... the end...

my finger turned purple today... that can't be good

i bought my first pair of grown up jeans on Friday. went into a store i never visit... they are dark denim, stitched the same way my mother taught me was best... very plain and just skim the floor in my 4" heels. i love the way a new pair of long jeans feel.

i'm too tired for funny antidotes, silly stories, or even 1 of the hundred mind boggling epiphanies that i stumbled upon this weekend. so i'm going to bed.